Sunday, January 15, 2017

The Church of the Walking Fish

So, a friend of mine posted this on Facebook the other day:

Let's just say it resonated.  And that resonance led me to post the following on my Facebook page:

I am proud to announce my intention to file for tax-exempt status for my new religious endeavor... The Church of the Walking Fish. Hit me up if you're interested in joining the clergy.
And after continuing to think about some more, I decided, "Fuck it, why not?"

So, I am proud to announce (again) my intention to file for tax-exempt status for my new religious endeavor... The Church of the Walking Fish.

I have no idea what the tenants of the church are just yet, but I promise you they won't be as silly as most of those other churches, and won't be as antagonistic as any of those other churches, and we'll probably just devolve into another one of those groups whose ultimate goals are humanistic and logical in nature.  No deified births here, folks.  No resurrections, either.  And certainly no raptures.

Also, perhaps sadly, no drunken or angry gods stabbing their wife-gods with pointy objects and making islands and continents from her blood and flesh.  But, also, no stupid boats big enough to carry the evolutionary history of planet Earth.

Win some, lose some.  You know how it goes.

Anyhoo... the first order of business to appoint the first disciple, and that shall be Tom at Half-Moose with a Twist.  He shall be henceforth known as Littoral Tom, the Literal.  And ye shall revere him as a friend and human being!

The second order of business is to properly attribute the creator of the cartoon that caught my attention, and that is Dan Piraro.  Go check out his Bizarro! comics.  You'll probably love 'em.

You can find this original comic here.

Stay tuned, loyal followers.  We shall soon be a force to be... tolerated!

Saturday, January 14, 2017

18 NFL Games is a Bad Idea

Added Thoughts: So, I had intended on finishing this back when an 18-game NFL season was being seriously debated.  Obviously, that never happened, but given my reaching back into unfinished work, I had (once again) intended on finishing this in the near future.

But then the San Diego Chargers announced that they were moving to Los Angeles, and I officially no longer give a single diarrhetic shit from a rabid dog about the National Football League.

So, here's the draft... just imagine how I would've ended it... you're probably not far off.

18 NFL Games is a Bad Idea

Theoretically, under the current system, it's possible for a team to win its division with a 3-13 (.188) record. Under an 18-game season, provided that the number of division games stays the same, it'll be possible to win a division with a 3-15 (.167) record. Remember the uproar caused by the Seattle Seahawks winning the NFC West with a 7-9 record in 2010 (which left both the 10-6 New York Giants and 10-6 Tampa Bay Buccaneers out of the playoffs)? Well, guess what... sub-.500 teams winning divisions will become more commonplace in an 18-game season. It's called math.

Unless the NFL realigns to two divisions per conference (8 teams each, 14 division games), which would only leave 4 games for interdivision or interconference contests, the math alone suggests 18 games is bad for the sport.

Some might argue that 18 games supports expansion. Well, no, it doesn't. In order to maintain equality, the NFL would have to aim for a league of 36 teams and, as such, would have to return to a 6-division league (3 per conference), with each division having 6 teams. That would, to be fair, result in 10 division games, making it possible to win a division with a 5-13 (.278) record, which would make each division more competitive.

To put things in perspective, back in the days of the 30-team NFL (6 divisions, 5 teams each), the worst record a divisional winner could have was 4-12 (.250) record, so 36 teams, 18 games would be an improvement on that.

However, the current scheduling is about as perfect as it's ever been. Each team plays 16 games, 6 of which are divisional, 4 are interdivision against another division, 2 are interdivision against the same-placed teams (1st, 2nd, etc). from the prior season in the division not being played completely, and 4 are interconference.

18 games would obviously just add 2 more interdivision.

But, it's all about the money, isn't it?

Friday, January 13, 2017

Collecting Random Thoughts from Over the Years, Military Edition

This one was untitled, and starts like this:

It's been a while since I've had a rant about the military.  Sure, I haven't officially worn a uniform in quite some time, but as I've been dipping my toes back into that world (for completely different reasons than before), I've been rediscovering things to rant about.

I have no recollection what I was about to go on about.

Then there was this one, titled "Overdue Randomness":

North Carolina apparently wants me to come back.  Second intriguing offer in as many months.  Must resist, however.

Think about this... the south went to war with the north, lost, and some in the south still want the Confederate Battle Flag flown from government buildings.  1)  Who are you at war with?  2) Mexico went to war with the USA, lost... what the Hell would happen if some in the southwest demanded the Mexican flag flown from government buildings?

I'm thinking the North Carolina reference was either an invitation to a ceremony at Fort Bragg, an invitation to speak at Fort Bragg, a job offer in Wilmington, or... I dunno.  North Carolina pops up a lot these days.

Started one called "Spearhead Units," which only has an introductory line and some notes:

As we adjust from counter-insurgency (supposedly) back to conventional warfare (thanks, Russia)

but as my relationship with the military returns to its nominal levels (pre-bureaucratic hubbub of about, oh, say... 10 years ago)

The intent behind that one, however, remains clear to me.  I was going to rant and rave that, no matter what paradigm shift the military runs with, they should always maintain units trained in the then-unpopular types of warfare.  Hence, "spearheads."

I also apparently collected some quotes about me from the Army days. 

"You're a good dude, that's why I remember you." - David
"I learned most of that shit from you." - Joe
"I had a good team leader." - Erran

And on the 50th Anniversary of JFK's assassination, I tried to interview my father about his experience on that day (a blog article to be creatively titled, "Dad's JFK Day").  He answered a few questions, then promptly declared that he didn't want to do the interview anymore.  The following is all the information I got:
  • Navy Reserves -
  • Air Force - December 12, 1959 - 7 years, 3 months, 10 days - February 11/12 1967
  • Nov 22, 1963
  • Lived off-base.  Married.  Allowed to go home.
  • No longer K9 "dog handler."  Air Policeman.  Airman First Class (E-4)
  • Gate 51A - SAC (2nd Air Force) - Wright Patterson AFB (B-52 gates).  Only one.
  • Can't remember how you heard about it... you think someone you checked in through the gate told you.
  • Everything stayed normal.  An alert, but nothing was too out of whack.
  • SHOCKED when you heard.  Smoker (favorites: Winston).

Lastly, I was apparently going to be passive-aggressive towards someone. No idea who or what set this off. Had the earmarks of a "mental beat," however.  Maybe I'll finish it someday.  Probably not, though.

Call me a jerk. Call me an asshole. Call me whatever it is you think you need to call me to make yourself feel better. But don't call me a hypocrite. Reserve that for yourself. Think I'm wrong? Better remember everything you've told me in the past few months... rest assure I do.


I've never hidden the fact that I'm a hedonist... out for myself, by myself, in order to accomplish those needs and wants that I want to accomplish. You're going to throw that as an insult? Doesn't work. I can only thank you for finally recognizing the truth in what I told you when we first met.